Fauxganoff

Unlike reverse thinspo, reverse "food porn" only offends the appetite and any romanticized notions of vintage dinner parties through lurid color photography:

Better than seeing a fish head, Americans?

Banana candle salad with pineapple base, cherry tip, and mayonnaise discharge.

Bologna, sweet potato, and applesauce.

Tuna cream. ("Cow udders?" was the first comment.)

Olive aspic tower.

Mushroom aspic.



Tuna picnic loaf.



No idea what this is... salmon with avocado icing? Rich in glycine and proline!


Fun fact: the 1950's lasting culinary contributions (unlike ring molds) include Cheez Whiz, Coco Puffs, IHOP, and MSG in baby food.


Halfway through the decade, Dwight Eisenhower noticed a similarity between schoolchildren's bellies and the mass consumption of gelatin. He organized the President's Council on Youth Fitness, then shot Kennedy seven years later, who'd taken credit.

Many thanks to Gee, That Food Looks Terrible! for filler.

My mother made an equally abominable and related dish tonight, green bean casserole (condensed cream soup, fried onions) as a side to short ribs. I was excused, arriving late enough from work to get by fixing fruit salad over mesclun while Real Time with Bill Maher diverted attention. Heard a nifty tip somewhere  frozen ginger grates easier, shredding lighter than fresh parmesan. I never thought in high school I'd turn out this banal, the highlight of my day tossing strawberries in white balsamic, pondering a little too long whether to slice grapes or trust them not to roll off the plate whole. Low novelty seeking scores, Holly determined. Then again, I'm no longer a 14 year old girl spitting into porcelain because she can't in her parents' faces. Safety in routine, not a very original thought here. M.C. Escher, notorious celebrant of needless complexities, put it best, "We adore chaos because we love to produce order." But these fears, this restlessness, the failures, aren't pressure to thrive under. You forsake esoteric concepts like ambition or love for the immediate security of basic needs and self-punishment of disruption. I'm losing. Mind, words, flesh. It's just so comfortable.